So here’s the deal. I’ve been working closely with Victoria Scott over the past six months, and I recently realized that she might be the perfect candidate for a thorough psychoanalysis. Her recent strange behaviors such as becoming a mother and purchasing a car for her husband have led me to believe that there are some psychological issues with Victoria that need to be addressed, and that she might benefit from a
totally sneakycompletely legit psychological evaluation. Remember- I’m sharing this classified information with you for learning purposes only! You can read Victoria’s responses to my specifically formulated questions below in the BOLD print. Proceed with caution.
Okay, time for the speed round. This part is sorta like the Family Feud speed round. I’ ll ask a question/state a phrase/word, and you answer the first thing that pops into your head. Ready? Set. Go!
Damon or Stefan?
Spandex or Polyester?
Editing or Changing diapers?
Italian food or Mexican food?
Cowboys or Texans?
If you had to choose one to be your love slave: Dante or Guy?!
If you had to binge watch one or the other: Toddlers and Tiaras, Dance Moms, or Honey Boo Boo?
Edward or Jacob?Â
Color of your soul?
Freud or Jung?
After extensive inebriated analysis of Victoria’s answers to my deceptively shallow questions, I realized my worst fears about her psyche were, indeed, warranted. It is clear to me that Victoria suffers from early childhood exposure to Godfather’s Pizza and Michael Jackson music videos. Her obsession with the television show Vikings reveals an underlying desire to sing opera and change her name to Brunhilde. The fact that she can write such successful novels is truly perplexing. It is evident from daily observation that she is constantly fighting a glitter-pink demon inside that wishes to decorate stranger’s houses in rainbows and skulls. Writing her first Dante Walker novel helped calm this aspect of her personality.Final Prognosis: Victoria is too cool for school. But only because she already went to school and discovered she was much cooler as an adult who writes Young Adult novels. I do not believe Victoria is an immediate threat to society.
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